Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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