i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
