i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage