Texts From Last Night

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  (636): View more from Missouri

  I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes

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  (636): I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes http://tfl.nu/5pzj
  Replies (7) Good night (858) Bad night (1008)
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  (514): View more from Quebec

  Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?

  (1-514): View more from Quebec

  Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.

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  (514): Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"? (1-514): Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan. http://tfl.nu/v19o
  Replies (5) Good night (2554) Bad night (415)
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  (860): View more from Connecticut

  So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup

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  (860): So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup http://tfl.nu/fyxp
  Replies (18) Good night (1137) Bad night (3973)
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  (619): View more from California

  The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it

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  (619): The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it http://tfl.nu/ndqf
  Replies (66) Good night (900) Bad night (4215)
• Favorite

  (419): View more from Ohio

  We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball

  (419): View more from Ohio

  And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity

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  (419): We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball (419): And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity http://tfl.nu/7q0o
  Replies (35) Good night (5601) Bad night (1841)
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  (315): View more from New York

  dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you

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  (315): dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you http://tfl.nu/n46y
  Replies (13) Good night (5447) Bad night (1251)
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  (813): View more from Florida

  We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.

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  (813): We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again. http://tfl.nu/6j6o
  Replies (43) Good night (2491) Bad night (4971)
• Favorite

  (225): View more from Louisiana

  Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again

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  (225): Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again http://tfl.nu/n0xl
  Replies (5) Good night (3151) Bad night (1072)
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  (201): View more from New Jersey

  We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?

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  (201): We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong? http://tfl.nu/lzrs
  Replies (13) Good night (2854) Bad night (809)
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  (523): View more from

  Hey did where's my bong?

  (1-523): View more from

  In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right

  (523): View more from

  Should I bother to ask?

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  (523): Hey did where's my bong? (1-523): In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right (523): Should I bother to ask? http://tfl.nu/hj27
  Replies (8) Good night (3019) Bad night (951)
• Favorite

  (413): View more from Massachusetts

  dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?

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  (413): dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions? http://tfl.nu/wa33
  Replies (23) Good night (2593) Bad night (617)
• Favorite

  (925): View more from California

  Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.

  (1-925): View more from California

  If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.

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  (925): Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often. (1-925): If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough. http://tfl.nu/t59l
  Replies (1) Good night (1564) Bad night (750)
• Favorite

  (517): View more from Michigan

  Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.

  (517): View more from Michigan

  We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by

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  (517): Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity. (517): We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by http://tfl.nu/0fvy
  Replies (9) Good night (3031) Bad night (830)
• Favorite

  (274): View more from Wisconsin

  Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place

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  (274): Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place http://tfl.nu/ignd
  Replies (9) Good night (1728) Bad night (485)
• Favorite

  (773): View more from Illinois

  Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.

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  (773): Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather. http://tfl.nu/isyp
  Replies (10) Good night (1762) Bad night (660)

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