I smell stomach acid.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
21 Millennials Confess The Most Awkward Way Someone Has Tried Hitting On Them
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
25 People Confess The Most Ignorant Thing Someone Has Ever Said To Them
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.