Texts From Last Night

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  (360): View more from Washington

  So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.

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  (360): So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor. http://tfl.nu/jcpz
  Replies (9) Good night (3524) Bad night (612)
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  (520): View more from Arizona

  woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes

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  (520): woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes http://tfl.nu/cy36
  Replies (33) Good night (845) Bad night (10083)
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  (647): View more from Ontario

  The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.

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  (647): The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display. http://tfl.nu/9yl8
  Replies (13) Good night (1173) Bad night (5849)
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  (323): View more from California

  You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.

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  (323): You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion. http://tfl.nu/elx2
  Replies (2) Good night (1450) Bad night (713)
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  (201): View more from New Jersey

  Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.

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  (201): Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it. http://tfl.nu/ciee
  Replies (10) Good night (2186) Bad night (766)
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  (312): View more from Illinois

  I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird

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  (312): I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird http://tfl.nu/vra1
  Replies (3) Good night (1444) Bad night (656)
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  (310): View more from California

  Can we just ponder our lives for a second.

  (818): View more from California

  No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.

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  (310): Can we just ponder our lives for a second. (818): No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles. http://tfl.nu/vtnc
  Replies (8) Good night (2260) Bad night (970)
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  (404): View more from Georgia

  It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.

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  (404): It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk. http://tfl.nu/mcgf
  Replies (3) Good night (1016) Bad night (776)
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  (615): View more from Tennessee

  How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.

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  (615): How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them. http://tfl.nu/5mum
  Replies (14) Good night (2147) Bad night (947)
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  (567): View more from Ohio

  Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good

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  (567): Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good http://tfl.nu/gp9h
  Replies (2) Good night (855) Bad night (1009)
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  (787): View more from Puerto Rico

  antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions

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  (787): antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions http://tfl.nu/y7o6
  Replies (4) Good night (808) Bad night (497)
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  (801): View more from Utah

  I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.

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  (801): I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future. http://tfl.nu/z13j
  Replies (2) Good night (921) Bad night (326)
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  (859): View more from Kentucky

  We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free

  (502): View more from Kentucky

  Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"

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  (859): We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free (502): Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels" http://tfl.nu/26v2
  Replies (3) Good night (1354) Bad night (382)
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  (562): View more from California

  The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.

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  (562): The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico. http://tfl.nu/31h6
  Replies (3) Good night (883) Bad night (310)
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  (206): View more from Washington

  I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate

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  (206): I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate http://tfl.nu/ugs5
  Replies (0) Good night (262) Bad night (486)

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