i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
21 Times Karma Showed These People Not to Mess Around
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man