Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Randomize
