I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
25 Of The Most Common Life Mistakes Young People Make
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
25 People Confess What They Really Think When They See An Obese Person
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked