Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.