At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
It’s A Miracle These 21 Promiscuous People Don’t Have STDs
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
These 27 Infuriatingly Annoying Habits Will Ruin Your Day
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I'm like, not good at living.