Already got asked if we're dating
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
