A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
