Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Randomize
