hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Randomize
