thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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