I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Randomize
