what day is it and did you see me today?
no. you can't hotbox the world.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize
