Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
