Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
What drink are we having for lunch?
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
