You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Randomize
