So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
We left the knife in your bed.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Randomize
