benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
