the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
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