you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
