if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
