I wanna bring you to show and tell
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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