hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
