you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I'm determined to sit on that face.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
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