Whats the glycemic index on semen?
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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