It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Randomize
