you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Randomize
