I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
