I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize
