I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Randomize