I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
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