She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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