i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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