His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
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