I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
