So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
