can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
