I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
