I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
