It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
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