how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
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