I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
