So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Randomize
