I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
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