and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
