I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
