i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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