I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i've created a new STD.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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