This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Randomize