My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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