Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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