new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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