The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Randomize
