I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
