the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Randomize
