I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
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