There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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