The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
