this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Randomize
