Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize