Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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