Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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