So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
dude i'm inner monologue high
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Randomize
