My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
She's the barista slut.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Randomize
