I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
don't judge my taste in strippers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize