Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I enjoy the company of your penis
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
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