Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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