I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
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