i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Randomize
