he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
What a dumb baby whore.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
