I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
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