i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
