1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
