he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
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