i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
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