She went from zero to smokin in five shots
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
The air taste purple.
Randomize
