I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
