Having a random hookup so left but love u
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
He uses pillows to masturbate.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Randomize
