So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
